Honestly what do you do when everything you have done and known that felt so right and good becomes unknown, wrong, and fades into a phase of something that cannot be undone? I know why I fell for it again. So I can just lose myself into this heavenly lifestyle I'm so dying for that I cannot have. But when it doesn't take place it feels like a slow mind numbing feeling that never ends......
How did everything escape with me knowing? That deep caring, those feelings, that life that was awesome to be around..... all I ever wanted was to just be with someone loving, it makes me sooo happy. To be honest I don't remember the last time I felt really alive.
I know I'll never know everything and to be honest I don't ever want to know but I know, over time, I will, because if I don't, life wouldn't be an adventure of understanding, knowledge, and experience.
I'm holding on with the feeling, with love, I do believe but wish I could live the feeling even once. I can be sad. . . but I'm more just emotional and thoughtful right now. Maybe in a long time, if I ever find her before it's forever too late, she will revive that life and feeling but if not then. . . I leave it at that because I can't afford to be constantly lonely.
Can you understand that?
1 comment:
Wow. Yes. I understand that more than you will ever know. It's not depressing or sad. It's an emotion. A longing. Nothing more human than that is there? I know sometimes it seems as if it's never going to happen, but you have to have the faith that it will. They always say it comes to you when you aren't looking. One day, when your goal for a day is something trivial or even cosmic, something great will happen. Time, Mavin...time, despite the shape of the world, is on our side.
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