I hate this.

I don't like this, I hate having to always move on from things. Things that bother the hell out of me. . . life, death, failed relationships that never start in the first place, financial problems, working endlessly just to survive, family dysfunction, bestfriends that move far away that I hardly ever see again. I become so tired that if I don't move on I become worse than I am that's why I move on from things so well because I have no other choice, it's a habit that's created a profound rendition of myself. Sometimes I want to never move on, sometimes I feel as if it's like a perfect balance in me to worry about something for a long time for some reason, I don't understand myself when I get like this, I can be completely miserable yet for some reason it can make me happy to think about problems for a long time and never even get an answer or a solution for it at all but yet I do want a solution to the problem, ya know? This endless thinking I do in terms of good wealth that I know I'll never have. But when I have nothing to think about whether good or bad that I feel stale but for some reason I don't want to find something to get my mind thinking on something else, I just don't. I really need to just get out way way more and definitely find someone damnit. But when I sit alone outside smoking and listening to music on my iPod or iPhone that I realize just how alone I really feel and I become so nothingness feeling. That probably didn't make sense but it does to me. . . . strangely enough. I'm weird. :P