I work too much and too hard!!

Well okay I could never work too hard, well maybe, but too much yes I do. When you work so much that you don't have any time to yourself you become very different. I miss having time to go outside and be in nature, bike ride to the Olmos Basin Dam and watch and photograph the sunset, or bike riding to some trails and just have fun riding around, I miss exercising, I also miss bloggin too, I miss everything lately, I don't know what's wrong with me. On my days off now I do nothing but sleep way too much and wake up at around 2pm to 5pm just so I have energy for the week, I'm used to sleeping for 8 to 10 hours a night not 4 to 6 hours a night but, I get up smoke a cigarette when I wake up, eat, shower, brush my teeth, I never shave unless I need to cuz of work and then I do arrands I have to do like laundry, clean up my room, go and pay off bills, or something that takes up my time and by the time I'm done the sun is down, I hate it, when compared to a year ago I could do almost anything I wanted to. Don't get me wrong I love my job and the pay is nice and it's nice having a money flow but sometimes I think to myself' "All this work is not worth my time." I'd rather be outside, or out on a walk, or bicycling, I'd rather be anywhere else except working gah I hate working. I look at the members of the San Antonio Country Club and I think to myself, "What are you people doing with your money? If I had the money y'all had I would be living in Europe or Asia or Austrailia or better yet my favorite country New Zealand right now, you would not see me living in the States, I would be out of here in a heart beat." Don't get me wrong I love America it's a good country but compared to other countries there are on this Earth I'd rather not be in America. that's why i might go part time between March 15th through the end of April because it's spring and I wanna enjoy it not work it.

Well anyways, what I originally came on here for was to introduce my coworker's blog, he has very deep insight on love and life. Check his blog out:

anotherwaytoputit.blogspot.com

Enjoy

I wish everything with me was alright and I wish there was something new going on with me but I know there's not, my life is still stuck in the same place it has always been and the feeling of knowing my life is still in this hell has me feeling terrible and regretting so much in my past of the things I never did that I should have done. I wish I could lie to you all and say my life is great and fun and I'm traveling and going places but I'm not, I'm living at my parents house, I still don't drive or have a license and a car, I'm still a virgin and I don't have a girlfriend but yet every time I love a girl hardcore they turn me down terribly so I pretty much have given up but I'm tired of crying myself asleep almost every night just so I'm comfortable enough to sleep because of all this, I'm still desperately trying to go to college which I have pretty much given up on because I have to I have no choice, I work my ass off 5 days a week to a dead end job and I still don't have a life and it has destroyed me mentally, and emotionally. I don't write anymore, I honestly have no friends, everyone but a few are still in town to talk to.

So when and why is life so hard to maintain, why is it that I fucking hate so much shit? I'm tired and I wanna go home to a real home away from this hell that I've called home for the last 22 years, I'm honestly starting to hate San Antonio. What the hell is life when you live this way? But yet I feel so terrible and worse for writing this.

I just want to go home. . . .

However I was over all this for a long time I just ignored it for a long time but after awhile I can't take it anymore and I crack wide open. Strangely I have gotten over many things that I live with mainly because I have no choice other than I must, it changes me in a bad way but I have no choice if I don't I'll be even worse than I am now.

I got into a deep conversation with my Captain at work recently about how love has affected me over the years. I told him that I end up getting over it, I just became used to it even though it still affects me from time to time. When I told him that he said; "But how,
how do you get over something that affects you so deep and emotionally!?" I said, " I don't know, I just have to because if I don't I'll be worse than I am now."

I felt I should write this for some strange reason, I haven't blogged in a long time and I wanna say hi to everyone again on Blogger.