I wish everything with me was alright and I wish there was something new going on with me but I know there's not, my life is still stuck in the same place it has always been and the feeling of knowing my life is still in this hell has me feeling terrible and regretting so much in my past of the things I never did that I should have done. I wish I could lie to you all and say my life is great and fun and I'm traveling and going places but I'm not, I'm living at my parents house, I still don't drive or have a license and a car, I'm still a virgin and I don't have a girlfriend but yet every time I love a girl hardcore they turn me down terribly so I pretty much have given up but I'm tired of crying myself asleep almost every night just so I'm comfortable enough to sleep because of all this, I'm still desperately trying to go to college which I have pretty much given up on because I have to I have no choice, I work my ass off 5 days a week to a dead end job and I still don't have a life and it has destroyed me mentally, and emotionally. I don't write anymore, I honestly have no friends, everyone but a few are still in town to talk to.

So when and why is life so hard to maintain, why is it that I fucking hate so much shit? I'm tired and I wanna go home to a real home away from this hell that I've called home for the last 22 years, I'm honestly starting to hate San Antonio. What the hell is life when you live this way? But yet I feel so terrible and worse for writing this.

I just want to go home. . . .

However I was over all this for a long time I just ignored it for a long time but after awhile I can't take it anymore and I crack wide open. Strangely I have gotten over many things that I live with mainly because I have no choice other than I must, it changes me in a bad way but I have no choice if I don't I'll be even worse than I am now.