Damn. . .

Pardon my bad language in this post, I couldn't help it.

I have no clue where my heart is, and my soul is lost, and my mind is way too numb to think. Gah I swear I don't know if I care anymore. This sucks. . .

I'm in a very very desperate need of help to change my life but it's useless, it always has been useless, how am I supposed to live when I have no money to go to college with, to buy a car even if I ever do get my driver's license, to have a place of my own, to get the fuck out of my parents house once and for all, that's my biggest dream, is to get out but it's merely that a dream, just like everything else, never a reality. And to be honest, these few problems I've listed are not even the tip of the iceberg. Oh fuck fuck fuck, I'm so screwed because there is absolutely nothing I can do and I mean it, there's nothing. I fucking know I'm going to be this depressed and lonely loser for the next 3 to 5 years of my life which I know I'm going to really really fucking regret when that happens too, all because everything is so fucking fucked up anymore with inflation, with people, my problems, and my family. I have absolutely no one to trust or entrust. Fuck I need a life which is the most impossible thing I've ever been in search for and for what reason I have no god damn clue why. People wonder why I'm so shy, people wonder why I don't talk when around them, well if you friends I know that may come by here and read this want to know why, you've read it already so go back and pay attention to what I've wrote. How the hell am I supposed to talk about my family when every single memory I have of them is terrible, what the hell am I supposed to talk about when I have nothing? GOD DAMN IT!! I swear to god I do not know what to do anymore to change my life. I feel the only place I have left to change my life is the Air Force but I don't know if I want to go in there but I know it's the only place I have left so I don't know. But no matter what I can't tell people this stuff nor do I want to. One, because once I do tell, they will somewhat listen but no one will care. Two, I might end up ending a friendship over it so I have to prevent that. Three, no one will understand and will end up being confused then end up changing the subject because of how messed up it would be to talk about any of this and, Four, I'm just tired of telling these messed up stories about my life anymore.

Ohh but these corny ass rants never do anything. They won't I know, they never have in the first place anyway, they just merely ease the stress for awhile but never ever do anything else to help. No one cares, no one has cared. So it's just pointless to write this stuff anymore, I'm so tired of writing them anyway so I quit and don't care anymore thanks to my past and present life.

I really cannot believe the shit life can give you when you're someone like me. . . . I don't fucking get it? What the fuck did I ever do the deserve this shit?

Pardon my bad language in this post, I couldn't help it.