I'm holding on with the feeling, with love, I do believe but wish I could live the feeling even once. I can be sad. . . but I'm more just emotionless and thoughtful right now. Maybe in a long time, if I ever find her before it's forever too late, she will revive that life and feeling but if not then. . . I leave it at that because I can't afford to hurt myself and no one is out there for me. . .