Time Flies

I wish I knew why time goes by so fast for me anymore, it never used to be this way for me it used to go by slowly but now my head becomes phased out from it as I endlessly think about time. This month just started and now it's already over, where did it go? I'm just wondering where time hides so I can find it?

And yet when I want time to go by it does not, and when I want time to stay with me, when I happen to be with that special someone I'd love to stay with for a long time, when life's running smoothly, when all your friends are together when they haven't been together for a long time, or even when the course of life has no problems. Time doesn't stay with me, it becomes lost as it melts right through my hands onto the ground floor while it molds and disappears right before my eyes, never to be seen again but in the transformation of nostalgia, in my mind it leaves imprints of memories held so dear to me, times I'll never forget. Times that make me happy and blissed when I feel alone, sad, bored or even lost, I'll think about those times.

It was exactly one year ago today when she happen to stumble upon me, someone I will never forget, someone that changed me in such a great way I'll never be able to forget. Hell, for of all y'all that love this blog if it wasn't for her introducing me to blogger I wouldn't have one today. It was so great, we had so much fun together, I always felt shy to talk to her but I never felt alone or lost, all I know is that it just felt so comforting to know her. I just have never met someone like her, someone who didn't even know me long to just care and love me as she did, it really was unfamiliar to me how someone could be this way, it was new to me she was something so nicely different I never wanted to let go. The times we had together were the best times I've had in a long time in my life, they felt real, I felt revived. We never dated or anything it was just so nice to be with her, I held on so dearly so deeply that I've struggled everyday since she left ten months ago. We both endlessly missed each other but our lives were so far apart. It was hard to hold back every feeling and thought as it slowly scratched me apart. It feels like I should have known better but I felt loving her was knowing better? I know it was not wrong to love her but it wasn't right either, maybe it was during the wrong time to love her? If she would have loved me back, I wonder how different my life would be today? I don't blame her at all for not loving me, I completely understand why, it was just so hard to live without her not being here in San Antonio instead of Dallas. But I never *EVER* wanted to lose her as a bestfriend, especially after she left. When we used to hang out together she taught me how to love even better than I knew how to before. But in the past month I have realized that I had to finally let go, move on, and find someone else regardless of how hard life and things can be, which I have finally done but I just never felt comfortable after I did. I never want to stop believing in love even if it is hard and hurts, I'll never stop loving it, it's one of the only things in life that brings me comfort. But it's just amazingly strange how much can change in a year, how I've changed from all of this. But I also know that when something this deep affects me usually my next love will be even deeper than the last because of what I've learned from that experience, it can be a mistake because I can end up hurting myself even worse than before but it also can be a very well placed life and love for myself. I know love can come in any form but what matters most of all is how it affected me in a positive and lovely way despite the natural path it can take me down afterwards that can be rough and rugged terrain.

So regardless of how hard life, love, and a relationship can be to find and hold on to it doesn't mean one isn't out there somewhere, I just have to find it, take a grasp while hopefully everything never loses grip. What was in the past is the past. But knowing that while time flies by I will eventually see her again but it will be so different than what I used to know and feel but in any case it will be fun to see her again and honestly that's all that matters to me, to know she's happy :) makes me happy.

Take care Heather :D



(Something I wrote with a chalk rock a long time ago on a wall down at the Olmos Basin Dam back in November of 2006, the name Aich, which is really spelled Aitch I didn't know back then, but it's taking the first letter of her name H then just spelling it out, there's a long story behind this but I just love how it's still there after all this time.)




It's amazing how one love you've had in the past can change you so much for your next. In the end the transition can be either slow, quick, painful, sorrowful, cheerful, lostful, nice, meaningful, emotional, hopeful, blissful, easy, hard, lamentful or whichever words fill the mood.

Time has always been a healer for me but it can be contradicting, it can be the complete opposite, so you just have to run with it and let it take whichever course it decides to take you along with. . . .