Lovely Questions

My love is for another will my life go with it? There are many women out there in the world but where is she? What is she dreaming of, what is she thinking of right now, and when will I meet her, soon or have I already met her and don't realize it yet?

Time and time again I've said what I wanted to say

But I know, I won't be able to be with you

I may in time or I may somewhere faraway.


Mother nature will take her course

However possible I shall never know

To let love in from the source.


To hold her every night and be her lover

I miss your warmth underneath your cover

Sitting with you on your balcony

Shivering our bodies in the cold weather.

It's been too long

I constantly miss her while alone

Endlessly thinking about both of our family's dismay

Desperately awaiting to relinquish our lives that we've known.


I need you by my side to keep me living

We were characters never meant to separate

Since your heart always was worth giving.


Never has love yet happened for me

Shall I feel it next time in the future

Wondering will that time ever be?


Something disappeared out my personality

I've transformed from one time to the next

While my hand falls on my lap empty.


These memories of you continually evoking my mind

Times I will never forget that hold me together

How I miss that face of yours that was so kind.


I miss your voice your eyes your smile

Your soft touch of your hands upon my face

As you wiped the tears when I was sad for a while.


Your understanding for life I've never seen before

I wanted to be with you so bad and know you better

If only we had time just to be together a little more.


I fell in love with your personality with your life

I've only had epiphanies of our lives together

While my heart and soul rushed for you without any strife.


Please just keep a place in the future for me inside you

To feel that touch to feel that warmth in the cold

I want to feel your arms around me it's the only thing I ever knew.


Almost a year has passed, it's been too long

We need to see one another again

Because without you I feel like a cloud of dense fog. . . .

(Drawing courtesy from Gallery 21, "Black Silken Hair", Artist: Eyvind Earle)

To just be able to live my life.

It is a beautiful photo I took on the outskirts of downtown San Antonio at the Olmos Basin Dam but I didn't feel so well when I wrote this note about a month and a half ago on paper when I was there looking at these clouds. The dam serves as a place for me to be alone when I need to be and able to think to myself when my life is going through tough and stressful times, so it's the only place I have to get away. Please no one feel sad from this just try to get an understanding for it and how my life can be and most of the time is until I finally move out and live my life soon. This was the only reason why I didn't want to post this up on my blog.

I feel like these clouds of built up rain, I want to dump everything out that's bothering me inside and relieve myself from troubles and stress. The only thing I can do is type it out and let people read it but no one will understand what I'm writing about no one knows what is going on in my life to understand what has troubled me since I could remember and especially what is troubling my life so terribly today.

What can you do when everything in your life keeps shoving you down and you have nothing to help yourself get back up with, your energy drained, your mind too numb to think to yourself, and everything you knew you lose sight with the thoughts that kept you intact. No resolve no nothing but more and more troubles that grow into larger troubles, it's as if I'm living a cursed life. I know everyone has bad days but when bad days become almost everyday in my life I feel like I can hardly live, I don't want to die but I don't want to live a troubled life either. I've lived like this since the day I was born and I'm extremely exhausted after all of this time. There's no doubt in my mind that there are people in this world that have life in way worse conditions than me, I know, but I wish I could just have some resolution in my life.

What I would do to just be able to live my life, to drive around in my own car, to go and climb mountains, to see other parts of the world and learn another language, to have a love especially love, and to just live my life. . . . to just be a human being. I've never had any of it and parts of me die slowly inside each and everyday the longer it continues. Why is most things too good to be true? Why is it when life is running smoothly it never lasts? I want to know more of what triggered these unfortunate events for my life? So maybe I can get an understanding for things to become better.

I hate just bearly surviving just bearly making it through life, the more and more I survive the more I'm growing weaker.

How is this normal? It is not, and should never be normal to live like this but no matter what these troubles are normal, they go on almost everyday. I hate troubles and am very tired of family, life, and financial problems that keep me from being myself.

When friends and acquaintances in my life were around, what happens when I lose that kept feeling that kept me apart of them? The thoughts they now have about each other god I hate it, so I don't say anything about it and I never do. I just keep the thoughts to myself and stay quiet. Most of my really bestfriends are now seperated from me, gone to another state, country, or town that I cannot go to. I knew this was going to happen with my friends over the years but god no matter how much I prepared myself for this it still sucks. How badly I want to get out of this city I've lived in for 20 years, I don't hate my city, in fact I think it's the best city in Texas, I do love San Antonio but I just need something different for a while, I want to see a different city in a different state or, soon if ever possible, live in another country perferably New Zealand as my first country to visit. I want to get out of these people's lives and never be seen again for years and then come back and see how different or the same everything will be. I just want to go somewhere, I just want to be a human and study our history by exploring places on Earth that I've never seen before that have been discovered, studied, and explained by previous humans. To see beautiful lands, seas, mountains, plants, trees, insects, animals, architectural structures and old ancient buildings, different cars, music, oh the list goes on forever but most importantly to meet and see different people and cultures of all sorts that I've never before seen in my life that I want to be introduced to.

I know everything takes time but sometimes time takes too long for itself to evolve into it's true nature so I have to be patient and wait it out while hopefully everything works out but I know and fear it might and never will. . . . . . . why does my life have to suck and be so hard all the time?



GAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Someone help me?

44 years have passed

(Photo courtesy from HistoryPlace.com)

Does anyone else find this interestingly strange but Thanksgiving this year is on the 44th anniversary of the assassination of John F. Kennedy on November 22nd, 1963 in Dallas, Texas? How strange but then again it's not.

Even though I wasn't alive when he was around I always found him to be one of my favorite Presidents of the United States when I did research on him.

I'm posting up some famous quotes by JFK to remember him by and that I love to read.




"A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality."


"A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on."


"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."



"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."


"For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future."



"History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside."


"I'm an idealist without illusions."


"If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill a president of the United States, he can do it. All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's."


"If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him."


"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity."


"In a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there."


"It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war."


"Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all."


"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind."


-John F. Kennedy




HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

How do I tell people about my past, how am I supposed to tell them without them wanting to be away from me? When people talk about their families and history and everything they've done in their life how am I going to be able to tell mine without being so depressing? Why did life have to turn out to be so drowsy so disfunctional with all my family's shit? I'd rather just get off the subject but I can't no matter what I have to lie about everything and make up things to sound like my life is good when in reality it's not.

One Plus One Equals Two For Love

If I could have just one chance

To be with you on your travels to France

To be in the city encompassed with romance

To feel your arms held by your stance

So I can swing you round in your own dance.


While you're sitting underneath a tree

Thoughts fill your mind but you're alone endlessly

So you look up towards the night sky

And let the stars shine brightly in your eyes.


Just keep your thoughts of me in your head

I know you're far but listen to what I've said

Soon life will workout for us but let time pass

Troubles we've gone through will be in our past.

I'm waiting for fall to completely arrive. Sadly for being Autumn in November this year the leaves haven't even been starting to turn their colors yet and so far fall this here has been very warm with 80 degree days or higher temperatures compared to last years freezing fall weather. Meteorologists say it's going to be a mild winter this year compared to last year, I hope not, I miss the cold and want it to be freezing outside.

Eye Color

Have you ever thought of how many different eye colors there are out there? One specific color for everyone, different shades, different tints, and different patterns. Like mine for instance, if it is one thing I've always known about my eyes is that they have a border of yellow encompassing the pupil while the rest of the eye is green. I have always thought it was strange to have eye color like that but actually I've grown to love my eyes being this color over the years. They're so different than others I've seen. Whether blue, green, brown, or hazel everyone has their own eyes they look upon everyday in the mirror.


Eyes tend to tell a story of a person. Just by looking at them you can read the words they speak to you and your mind starts to think of everything that person has seen in their life with just their one pair of eyes.

What color is your eyes? Anyone?