Whenever troubles occur I feel colorless, like something grabbed and took away the color in life. My life now is to merely survive and become stronger each and everyday. But I wish the troubles would go away sadly they only hide momentarily til somethings brings them back to life and all hell breaks loose. If I could just run away, I would have already. If it is one thing that I know, I wouldn't be who I am today, how all these problems have kept me this kind and wonderful person I am, because these troubles have made me realize the bad in this world and it's turned me into the opposite and has kept me being a good person even if my life has not been so pretty. I wish these days would hurry up and pass so I can finally just live my life and be living without these damn troubles any longer. This is why I'm not much of a talker because of everything I've been through in my life but I am a very good listener. However, I am a painter that needs to color me a new color and that color I paint is myself whatever hue. It makes me happy to know this.
This applies to everyone I know that is very far away from me now that may come on here and read this. As much as I want to see y'all again, and as much as I don't like having to say this but I also feel like it's better to say this, but I don't want to see y'all again til I have my life stabilized, mainly because I'm tired of not knowing the experiences all of you have been able to feel and experience whether it's meeting new people or being in college or knowing tons of music or being in a relationship or whatever. I just don't want to feel left out anymore and unknowing of what it's like that all of you so luckily have and most you don't even realize how lucky y'all really are to have that style of life even if you think that your life isn't as great as you think it is, you guys need to realize how lucky you really are. Robbie, Phil, Heather, Chase, and whoever else that I may have left out that is very far away from me now just realize that your lives are very lucky to have what you have and how I would give almost my life to just live that life that y'all have for just one day because I don't know how long it will take me to obtain that style of life you all have. But I guess we all want what we can't have so. . . but I will see y'all again but I just don't know what to say because I haven't been able to experience anything in my life like y'all have so I'm just giving you guys a heads up about who I am and what I think in my head when I don't talk when you guys are around but I love seeing and being around with y'all, I feel happy and away from troubles that I go through that all of y'all know about, so thank you.
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