Mind full of caring love thoughts. . . .

I can't help but care when it comes down to it, I just do. No one really knows that I am because I don't express it because I just don't but I do feel it. Only unless I am with someone who cares like I do too which in my life has become very hard to find a person that is like that anymore and I don't know why it has been so hard to find. I haven't given up on love and finding a girl, I just am incubating it for the time being because I have to, I have no choice with the situation of my life at the time being. Is it honestly that hard to express your feelings to a person you love? I want to try and love again but I'm afraid of it not happening and being left alone or rejected again or feel like I'm being too caring or I may end up rushing love or I don't know mainly because I can't find anyone who believes anymore and also if I can just find someone who cares like I do. I hate it when people tell me that relationships suck, I can't stand it! It makes me feel even worse than I do already. I mean I understand why but gah if you guys knew what it's like to never ever have been in one it honestly sucks even worse. . . at least it does to me. If I could at least feel love to whatever extent more than a friend for a little while I'd be very happy to have had that. Fuck, I'd just be happy that I have someone by my side without the sex, I would be very much. But I don't know it depends on the person you are and everyone is different. Well at least I understand this now and whenever I do get into a relationship I won't take it for granted. What it is that I don't get is how recently I've found incredibly loving, caring, and intelligent women in my life, expressed my feelings to them, and yet I can't be with them because either they don't love me or don't believe in love anymore or I feel that they're just too good for me or something of that sort and yet they don't even realize how caring I really am and if they just could see it for a minute maybe I'd have a chance but I can't let myself be troubled by trying so hard to be with them and end up just being alone and having nothing but sorrow and loneliness to keep me company. But it has to be this way because I can't find any girl that will be me and I don't want to hurt myself again from trying and then feeling like crap because it didn't workout, I've done that five times now in my life and it hurts too bad to do it again so. . . . . but truth of the matter is if I didn't care I wouldn't have written this post so of course I still believe and I always will til the day I die. Just wish I could finally get some slack for being this type of person sadly I don't know when or if I ever will considering everything takes so much time in life, sometimes I think time takes too much time, even if time is going by fast.